I know I’m a little late, but better late than pregnant…right? (Right Breezyk?)
Welcome again to this week’s edition of The Chronicles. I’ve been seeing a lot of Thanksgiving related posts these days and obviously The Chronicles will take a piece of that pumpkin pie. If the fact that it’s Friday/Saturday doesn’t already bring a lone tear of gratitude to your eye, then I don’t know what will.
Sometimes even when life is good, we may find it hard to be thankful. Our first-world problems, although trivial can really be a cause of stress. The Friday Chronicles understands, and ensures that this won’t be a post trying to make you feel guilty about not being more thankful for the shit loads of things you already have.
And so without further ado, let’s begin!…
1) Kate Middleton returns clothing gift from Kim Kardashian:
This is by far my most favorite story of the week and was what convinced me that maybe this world is not down in a sewer just yet. The Duchess, in this very strong rumor, allegedly returned some clothing items that Kinky Kardashian sent her in hopes of publicizing her klothing line, Kardashian Kollection.
Just a few months ago, Kardashian’s krush Kanye urged his hoochie mama to be more poised and sophisticated like Kate. Well, Oprah and Disney may tell you that “anything is possible”, but the truth is that some things are REALLY not.
Red Carpet soul sisters
2) Man buys Toronto Maple Leafs toilet for $5,300.00:
There are two things Toronto is really not good for- the Queen Street streetcar, which is hailed as an urban myth and the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto’s shiteous hockey team. Over the past few years, Leafs die-hard fans(because you’re either a die-hard or completely indifferent) have been paying anywhere between $117-$300.00 to watch the Leafs continuously lose and go home in bitter tears.
Obviously, all the disappointment over the years wasn’t enough to sway Toronto native Jim Vigmond, who just paid $5,300.00 to literally take the ultimate crap from the Leafs. The expensive potty is one among many Leaf items that was auctioned off to crazy fans. The Maple Leaf Gardens, where the Leafs and their toilet were orginally based, moved and now is converted into a grocery store, hence leaving some of their random shit for the die-hards.
A toilet
3) Ukrainian priest slaps Pussy Riot sympathizers with censer:
Continuing with this shit-for-brains theme this week, a bunch of guys with stockings on their heads stormed into a Ukrainian Orthodox church to perform a terrible version of the already terrible version of the feminist group’s “Punk Prayer”. But the priest was having none of this nonsense. The old guy proceeded to smack these crackpots with a censer, after which, he handed them over to the police.
Just in case you don’t know what a censer is (I didn’t), it’s the vessel used to dispense incense. Which makes the mental picture of an old man swinging this at the stocking-clad members of Penis Protest even funnier.
A censer is a vessel used for dispensing incense and knocking sense into dumbasses
4) Israel-Palestine photo goes viral:
In the midst of all the craziness that has been going on in Gaza, two regular guys in Manhattan posted this photo with a touching message.
Picture taken from The Huffington Post
While these guys are thinking about their people dying in war in a far off land on Thanksgiving, I’m thinking about what’s going on right here at home. My photo didn’t get nearly as much attention:
Story of my life
5) Last installment of the Twilight series in theatres now:
For the pièce de résistance, I hereby leave you with the last news item for this week. Twilight is back on the big screen. Control your excitment, folks.
Whether you are a Twi-lover or a Twi-hater, I have found you all the perfect youtube video celebrating the end of this God-forsaken franchise.
And with that, we complete this week’s edition of the Friday Chronicles. Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends!
Don’t forget to participate in this fun poll:
The Chronicles of a Skinny Jeans-Wearing Toronto girl 
Thank you for another hilarious post! These are integral for my re-patriatization and the realiozation that people are essentialy stupid all over the world and not only from where I just came from! xoxoxox
Hahahaha you are welcome. To be fair, I only pick the stupidest of stupid, so I don’t exactly give the brighter specimens of society much of a chance here.
Isn’t a big part of the fighting between the Israelis and Palestinians over land? It’s more than just a belief system they’re feuding over. The guys still make a great point. Why are all holy lands in the same half mile radius? The Amish were onto something going to Pennsylvania.
I heard rumors about Toronto getting a second team maybe because no one in Florida, Phoenix, or Nashville cares about hockey so they’d move the team to Toronto. This could mean more toilets to buy. Is this how great things are in Canada where you can basically donate $5 million to a hockey team? Do you guys not have cancer kids?
Moose:
See what “shit” you could buy if you American’s had free Healthcare like us!
The cancer children,,are covered,,and the probably get kitty sized shitters too!
Nikki, are cancer children fully covered? I know most of their hospital bills are but I also know places like Sick Kids hospital gets very large donations from people. I guess that would mean they are mostly covered.
Either way, free healthcare definitely is a burden lifter.
It definitely is over land, but over the years religion has been thrown into the mix too. And nothing fuels anger and hatred like opposing views on religion. The Amish are smart to move to Pennsylvania.
Where did you hear these rumors? I’m just going to dismiss them off as untrue because the thought of them being true makes me agitated. Isn’t there no hockey this season anyway? Even if things ARE great in Canada, that still doesn’t justify spending thousands of dollars on a toilet.
Love the first one!!! Keep it classy!
Hahahah…always keepin’ it classy here! 😉
That twilight trailer was freakin’ hilarious ! I just was forced to sit through the last installment with a friend and I really want that 2 hrs of my life back .. 😉
Hahaha I know right?! Someone posted it on my FB wall and I actually burst out laughing. I heard the last installment wasn’t too painful to watch. Then again, this was the opinion that was held by Twilight crazies.
Twilight???
YUCK!!! 😦
I have enough problems with local teen zombies without adding Vampyres! 😦
I took the poll – very true!!! 🙂
Hope you have a great week – mine has somewhat turned to crap as of 5am this morning when my neighbour flooded my kitchen and part of the ceiling succumbed to gravity…
Love and hugs!
Prenin.
Tell me about it! I seriously do not understand the appeal of zombies- teen zombies or regular adult zombies. Maybe I’m getting old
Yikes! It sounds you’ve been having a rough week. Or a rough day. There’s nothing like a falling ceiling to top off your week :(. Sorry you had to deal with that.
I hope its all fixed up by now!
Hi hun! 🙂
Thankfully my flat is rented so my landlord has a repair service! 🙂
The plasterer will show up on the 10th of December in the afternoon, so it should be fixed OK, but Chris is a problem as he is totally paranoid and scared he’ll have to pay for his sink to be fixed… 😦
God Bless!
Prenin.
Pingback: If you like to laugh, you will like Karen…if you don’t like to laugh… go see a psychiatrist please. « beccahumphrey
You gotta check this one out, too:
hahahaha I saw another bad lip read video. And it was just as bad. When I say bad I mean good.
You slapped a fiiiiish!!
You rock harder than most, young lady! Thanks for the yucks!
You rock the hardest, Mr. Bellman. Thanks right back at ya for the yucks from your stories 😉
Again, you brought tears in my eyes with these hilarious Friday Chronicles.
lol I’m glad to be able to entertain Marcos!