The Mystery of the Disappearing Blogger

General Disclaimer: This post contains sarcasm and a spontaneous combustion-inducing picture of Ian Sommerhalder. You know, just the usual.

It’s me again! It really is. You’re not seeing things.

Yes, I did check the date on the last time this blog was updated. I’m well aware it reads May 31st. I’m also aware that’s two whole months. I’ve had many people ask me what kind of cave I’d crawled into? Perhaps I was dead? Or worse still, broke both my arms in a freak summer accident..like..I don’t know…think of a terrible accident where you lose both arms that one could only joke about in really bad taste.

Nonetheless I’m here now. You can take the girl out of the blogging, but you can’t take the attention-seeking tendencies fueled by blogging out of the girl…not for too long anyway. Hence, I am back.

Really, you guys didn’t miss much in the past two months. Its been a pretty dead summer so far. But now that I have quelled most of your fears about me not being dead or armless, you may be wondering what the hell I’ve been doing to keep me away from blogging for so long. Well, apart from me loving the fact that the weather’s been hotter than two rabbits making babies in a sock, here’s an update of my MIA misadventures:

1) Working on my summer tan:

You may think that a girl like me needs a tan like Dolly Parton needs a boob job, but I beg to differ. Since one of the only joys of short Canadian summers is soaking up those deliciously warm cancer rays, I refuse to be discriminated against because of my skin color. Here’s a first hand look at my new before and after sun-kissed countenance:

Before and After. Am I the only one that thinks this is NOT the exact same photo?

 2) Watching entire seasons of The Vampire Diaries:

Don’t look at me like that, you judgers! I am but a weak human being. Yes, much of the time I could have spent blogging was spent rather in mindless teeny bopper vampire obsessions. Would it sound any better if I told you that what I really have  is actually an Ian Sommerhalder obsession?

Here ladies, is this convincing at all?

Photo credit: the internet

Fellas, there’s a new Ryan Gosling in town. You may groan if you wish but stay away from that “Unfollow” button.

3) Getting hit on by a 12-year-old at my bus stop:

You all know by now that between my numerous posts on friend zones, my hot neighbour and colossal cockblocks of the Universe, my love life has been about as steamy as an empty can of cat food. Not anymore, dolls!

Not. Any. More.

For the past month or so, I have had a questionable suitor at my bus stop. It all started when this little boy asked me if I had change for a five for bus fare. I offered to just pay for his bus fare since I felt sorry for this child. The child flatly refused. He wanted to pay for his ticket fair and square. I managed to scrounge up some change.

The next day we met again. He stared at me for about 5 minutes after which he smiled and asked me if I were in grade 9 or 10. It was cute.

The following day he struck up a conversation about where he lives, where he grew up and how public transit evolved since he was young(er) and how he didn’t want me to take offense that he didn’t accept my money for bus fare. A real man never asks a woman to pay for his bus fare.

After that he asked me if he could borrow my cell phone to call his mother.

Come to think of it maybe I’m getting ahead of myself on this one.

4) Attending Coldplay concerts:

Speaking of being eternally single, this is probably one of the reasons why. All you haters can hate, but I’ll proudly admit that Coldplay has always been one of my favorite bands. Seeing them live for the first time was the icing on the cake of life. I guess I could also admit that I felt the same way when I saw John Mayer in concert for the first time, but do I really want to be alone with 6 cats and a plant named Penny, listening to “Your Body is a Wonderland” for the rest of my life? Hmmm.

5) Reading 50 Shades of Grey:

This time your judgement is well deserved. That being said, I did read these books. And my pompous, self-righteous, grammar loving self wanted to sit with a red marker and circle every second line of this horribly written book because it was seriously distracting me from all of the “kinky f*ckery” (as Mr. Christian Grey so eloquently put it.)

And what’s Fifty Shades without kinky f*ckery? (that was a rhetorical question)

….not to mention trying to have the lowest self-esteem issues possible and using terrible syntax.

6) General tomfoolery:

General tomfoolery includes but not limited to: drinking adult beverages, berating people who complained about the heat, tanning (refer to #1), shopping, procrastinating from blogging, sitting on patios, staring out my window for hours with a pair of binoculars patiently waiting for my hot neighbour to come out running shirtless and of course, getting grief for not blogging.

So there you have it. Now you’re up to date with what I haven’t talked about in two months. But clearly, you haven’t missed much. What I’m really curious about is what have all of you guys been up to in the last little while? What exciting things have happened to you?? Or am I the only one who’s had exciting things happen (as elaborately demonstrated above)

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25 thoughts on “The Mystery of the Disappearing Blogger

  1. At least it sounds like you had a fun two-month break! Wish my life was that interesting. Lol. I just completed my 100th blog post (On Friday) which is something of a big accomplishment. Aside from that there hasn’t been too much out of the ordinary in my life.

  2. I was asking myself the other day where you were. I thought you finally worked up the nerve to talk to your neighbor and he whisked you off to Aruba and left you there…. Or was that another lady??

    Anyway, glad to see that you’re back. I’m in the midst of reading that wretched book myself and I can’t go more than a paragraph without cringing because of how dense the freaking writing is. I’m not one to judge but that is one of the most poorly written books that I’ve never finished reading.

  3. Good to have you back Chuckles! 🙂

    I don’t get the hype over fifty shades of grey – my friend Vicky at ‘Iceland’ where I get my food from was getting seriously hot under the collar just thinking about it!!! 🙂

    I guess I’ll just have to write something better… 😉

    Love and hugs short stop! 🙂

    Prenin.

  4. Welcome back! 😀

    I haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey (except for the sample that I grabbed for my Kindle) and I’m sincerely glad I haven’t. I’ve heard that even the supposedly “super sexy” sex scenes are horribly, terribly written and aren’t even in the least bit sexy. Not to mention the multitude of other problems that not only include grammar. -_-

  5. umm you forgot brunching at hipster establishments and leaving insufficient tips with me!! 😉 Glad to have you back!! Can I make one suggestion, though? Ditch the binocs and get on the suggestive car washing in daisy dukes like I said… guarantee it’ll be more effective 😉

  6. The story about the 12-year old is great, he was probably overwhelmed with your delicious tan. Did you let him borrow your phone?

    It’s been a two-week obsession with the Olympics over here. Today is sad, and empty without it.

    Watching live coverage of sports you don’t otherwise care about = heaven.

  7. HA! I’m with you on #5. I’ve just begun book 3. I’m still a bit embarrassed to admit that I’m reading them, but oh well. I’m just really surprised anyone understands each other in the book with all the muttering and murmuring. Not to mention that Christian must have some severe neck problems with all the head-cocking.

    I laughed when I saw that she thanked her editor; what exactly was edited?

  8. So you’re back! Great! Spending time in the real world eh? I haven’t been there for a while, though I’ve toyed with the idea of going there and your blog has inspired me to maybe ‘get real’ for a bit. Glad you’re back in blogland.

  9. Blogging is hard in summer. It just is.

    Not only am I busy with fun summer things – but how much do people want to hear ‘Went to a patio, drank beer, sat in the sunshine’ over and over? Because that’s all that I do!

  10. I saw Coldplay as well! For the second time, actually– I saw them on their Viva la Vida tour and was so amazed/overwhelmed/brought to tears that I had to see them again. No shame! That’s a perfectly valid reason to be gone for a month or two 😉

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