Friday Chronicles: My French is better than your French

You asked for it and here it is! The second installment of the Friday Chronicles back by popular demand.

If you’re reading this right now, then you’re probably one of the emotionally strong few who made it through the work week barely breathing but relatively unscathed. As your reward for achieving this feat, I have spent my time searching far and wide for some end-of-the-week LOLZ for you.

So chill out on the couch, you tired warrior. Grab a cannoli, a glass (or tank) of your favorite crunk juice and give yourself a good thump on the back for making it through yet another soul-killing work week.

Let’s begin this newscast with some local happenings:

1) Toronto blogger receives the greatest WordPress accolade:

That’s right, doll faces! It’s been an exciting week for yours truly. After years of crying myself to sleep, my post “Ten Things I learnt from being a WordPress Blogger” FINALLY got Freshly Pressed on Tuesday March 13th, 2012.

Special thanks to Jill and Lill at http://www.lillandjill.wordpress.com for this awesome photo which I butchered with my excitement

Contrary to what many think, this is actually not the first time I got Freshly Pressed. My post “Karen’s Guide to Maximising Gym Workouts” was what started it all, but that was so many forevers ago that it doesn’t seem like it even happened. At the risk of sounding like a Hollywood cliché, I’m going to say that I dedicate this to all of my readers. Because let’s face it, without you guys egging me on, I would have stopped blogging long ago.

Also, you may or may not have noticed that I changed my blog name from ‘The Skinny Jeans and Starbucks Chronicles” to “The Chronicles of a Skinny Jeans Wearing Toronto girl”. I figure it was time to retire the free Starbucks endorsements. The blog website remains the same though, so this should cause no confusion with post updates if you are subscribed.

Anyway, let’s move on to some “real” news.

2) Ottawa resident deems unavailability of decent parking a human rights violation:

Patricia Howson became the patron saint of Mazda 5s when she recently lamented over the lack of parking space for her automobile. Some tears were allegedly shed before placing her tribulations over the other piles of better known human rights cases like public executions in certain Middle Eastern countries, the rape and sodomization of 8-year olds in certain African countries and obnoxiously long grocery lines in certain first world countries. Since it doesn’t look like any shit was given by The National Post, who ran this story, I wouldn’t put it past this car-wreck to call Jason Russell(the Kony 2012 fire-starter) to make her a 30 minute video.

Full story here.

Speaking of not giving a shit…

3) Indian woman leaves her marriage home in protest of not having a toilet:

Anita Narre and Patricia Howson (the Mazda 5 crazy) should clearly be on TLC’s Life Swap…if there is such a freak reality show. Mrs. Narre’s wedded bliss went down the toilet when she found that part of her wedding present was a bush in the backyard with her name on it. In an act of supreme ballsiness for a newly married Indian woman from a remote village, Narre left her marriage home and her idiotic husband and vowed not to return until she had a decent place to dump her crap. Mrs. Narre was later rewarded with an in-home toilet and Rs.$10,000 ($200.00 US) for her bravery.

Anita Narre knows a thing or two about dealing with shit with class and courage.

Full story here.

Speaking of idiotic husbands… 

4) Bachelor Ben Flajnik picks his bride after weeks of brain cell-murdering drama:

Ben: I love you hair. Courtney: No Ben, I love YOUR hair. (www.people.com)

Millions of viewers across North America watched in horror as ABC’s Bachelor Ben Flajnik went down on one knee and proposed to batshit crazy model Courtney Roberston. Ben Flajnik, whose last name sounds like something that comes out of your nose when you have a bad infection, is a wine-maker from Sonoma, California. Flajnik was under fire throughout the season for his bad haircut and bad choices when he constantly favored Robertson who has been touted as “America’s Most Hated Woman” in the history of women, America and hatred. For those of you that actually watched this train-wreck season, am I the only one who thinks Ben is a genius? The guy garnered MAJOR publicity for his wine company AND landed a hot model in the bargain. If you were tuning in for the last several weeks to see Ben find true love then you might have saved yourself a lot of time and grief by just watching a heart-warming Disney movie instead.

Speaking of heart-warming…

5) Breakthrough Cancer pill offers hope to skin cancer sufferers:

All that running, baking, striping and other questionable forms of fund-raising for cancer have finally payed off. Researchers in England have come up with a skin cancer pill that “doubles the length of time that patients with skin cancer can survive”. This is some very welcome news seeing that as many as 11,000 people are diagnosed with metastatic melanoma in England each year. This is NOT to say however, that all you cancerless beach bum orangey oompa loompas should be throwing away your fake tan spray bottles (I’m lookin at you Jersey Shore) and running for the tanning beds. Cancer is a heartless bitch. And your only weapons are a prayer and sunscreen.  

Full Story on the cancer pill here.

And finally, speaking of heartless bitches…

6) Halle Berry confirms reports that she is indeed engaged to Olivier Martinez:

Halle Berry, who has been painted in the past to be almost as crazy as Courtney Robertson, sat on Oprah’s famous couch years ago and vowed to America that she would never marry. Until sexy Frenchman Olivier Martinez came along. The Berry however, is not new to the charms of French men as she was famously linked with Montreal-born drop dead beautiful Gabriel Aubrey, and even created an unusually divine looking spawn with him. But let’s face it. The real focus here is not Halle’s impending nuptials, rather the age-old debate that has plagued the universe for decades:

Which French is better?

Warning: Staring for too long at this photo could cause you to have murderous thoughts about Halle Berry. (www.celebuzz.com)

 

Warning: Staring for too long at this picture could lead to spontaneous ovulation. (www.picasaweb.google.com)

                           

Canada`s young, irresistible Québécois French vs. France`s old school sexy nicotine-beaten French.

I leave you the pleasure and torture of deciding this one

Actually, by the time you read this I will be on my way to Montreal, Quebec for a little solo getaway weekend. While there, I fully intend on testing out some of that irresistible Québécois French candy. I can say with about 60% surety that you can expect a post on my travels and encounters with sexy French bakers trying to sell me their baguette. I say 60% just to account for my pathological laziness.

Thank you all for reading this week’s edition of the Friday Chronicles. Stay tuned next Friday for another weekly roundup. Until then, have a wonderful weekend  and remember…when shit happens, be grateful you have a toilet.

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65 thoughts on “Friday Chronicles: My French is better than your French

  1. Indian toilet story made me smile. I was over there one time, in a small town bar. This female American tourist came in and asked where the ‘restroom’ was. Why is it called that in the US? She goes in and after about 30 seconds there is this blood curdling scream and she comes running out as fast as she can with her knickers round her ankles. The toilet was basically just a hole in the floor and everything drops through to the ground below in the yard, which was also home to a pig. Basically the pig and stuck his head up through the hole while she was crouching over it. Poor woman was traumatised but it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

  2. Really! Halle is with another oh so gorgeous guy. She will probably have another oh so gorgeous baby. And continue to live her oh so gorgeous, perfect life. I am happy for her. HAHA.

  3. I noticed the title change. (But at first I thought I’d gone crazy. Initial thought: “Wasn’t that a little DIFFERENT the first time?”) Congrats on being freshly pressed. Since I’m rather new here, I’m going to venture to ask, “How does that work?” I’ve heard much about it but don’t understand it.

    • You noticed correct! Hopefully it doesnt create too much of a stir. I just wanted the Starbucks logo out thats all. Thank you for your wishes! Freshly Pressed is a way by which WordPress does you a huge favor by putting your blog out there for the general public. Everyday WordPress sifts through millions of blogs in its database looking for an awesome/ inspiring/ entertaining post. And everyday they randomly pick the 10 best they think the general public will enjoy. Which is why I mention in the list that having a catchy blog title really helps. Its makes it easier for WordPress to pick up on your blog. Tags are also great for this kind of thing. Hope this helps 🙂

  4. I just started following you and your posts are great! I am a new blogger and hope to one day be freshly pressed myself (pretty pretty pretty please WordPress). Look forward to reading more 🙂

  5. I am loving your take on life and things in general…it’s a great break from everyday life to read your blog. I love your writing style, it makes me feel like you are right here with me!

  6. Cute!

    Having lived in both Canada and France, I recommend a genetic experiment in which the two males are combined. The politeness, gentlemanliness, and adorablocity of the French French Man (I’ve had a young man run into a neighboring vineyard to steal me some grapes, despite their inedibility…swoon!) with the deliciousness of the Quebecois. Mmm.

  7. I have been reading your blog for over a week now (thanks to the Freshly Pressed) and I find you very funny, amusing and a little philosophical ……… while you are in Montreal don’t forget that one of speciality there (if you want to clog your artery more) ……… Schwartz smoked meat but if you hate Celine Dion ……….. well then skip it

  8. Karen, you are so popular now! Too awesome! I tried reading through all the comments for the Freshly Pressed article but wowza, it’s a lot. Which is jolly!

    Thank you for the photos of French men, one can never have enough. In Montreal go to a bakery and get some chocolate croissants!!! Or else you have not fully enjoyed Montreal.

    Have a glorious time. I think it’s super sweet that you’re going solo. 🙂

  9. I’ve been reading your blog since I read it on the Freshly Press page.. I absolutely love your writing style and the topics you choose, I decided to start following you. No – not stalking. There’s a difference. 🙂 I’m not a new blogger – been writing online since 2000 but joined WP in ’06. My blog is rather lightweight but I like to think that I’m building it a bit more this year. I haven’t found my niche yet, and I believe you’ve found yours and it fits wonderfully.
    Thanks to you, I’m going to Starbucks today and using up a little bit of my Birthday + Christmas Starbucks gift cards on some much needed goodies! I hope they have something green.
    I hope you enjoy your outing to Montreal this weekend. 🙂

    • I suggest you use up all your Starbucks gift cards and stalk as much as you want!! Thank you so much for all your kind words.

      To be quite honest I still don’t fully know what my niche is yet. All I know is that people enjoy my random stories and takes on life and for now, that’s alright be me.
      I think what I meant when I said finding your niche is just to be comfortable with your writing and your blog…if that makes any sense.

  10. You getting FP’ed (that sound dirty) was definitely the biggest news story this week. I thought I saw you up there then when I looked next it was gone and thought I was hallucinating. But way to go. I always like when people I already knew about get up there. I feel so Indie. Congrats!

    • awww thanks! 🙂 No worries, I thought I was hallucinating too when I saw myself up there. It does feel very indie when you see people you already knew get FP. When Breezyk was up there, I was pretty excited. Not to mention, I had some traffic coming off of it. I’m hoping this happened for you guys too

      • I got a bunch off of her FP. I think I was the first comment on one of them. That’s happened to me twice now. Always good to see some quality up there instead of lousy posts that complain about yogurt. (that was 2 weeks ago and I’m still not dropping it)

      • LOL I didnt read the yogurt post but I’ll take your word for it. Breezy and I were talking about FP a while back and after two glasses of wine, we both came to the conclusion that most FP posts are either about a bunch of pictures, a marathon of some sort, a recipe for dessert or Australia Day.

  11. Great blog. You’re writing is that upbeat I have to have a hot milky drink just to calm down after reading it; You sure you’re off the Starbuck’s juice?

    • awww THANK YOU Siobhan!! 😀

      For Ben’s season, I started reading Reality Steve’s blog. His episode recaps was HILARIOUS! WAY funnier that the actual show. The only bummer is that its filled with spoilers so I knew from the very begining Courtney was going to win. After that, I just read his weekly recaps.

  12. Love it ! My partner works in the middle of the bush and I have lost the remote control to te DVD player .. stuff like this keeps me from going insane with boredom !! Keep em comin ! 😀

  13. Pingback: Me So Wanna Be Freshly Pressed “Make it Big in the USA Just because you are French” | French A L.A Carte Services & Blog!

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