A socio-musical experiment in morning serenity: Does listening to Nicki Minaj and her pink pepto posse perk up your AM?

This post is very likely to piss off a few people so before I go anywhere with this, I’d like to offer you some twitter stats.

Number of Twitter followers of Nicki Minaj to date: Over 8 million

Number of Twitter followers of Katy Perry to date: Over 14 million

Number of Twitter followers for Rihanna: Over 12 million

And just of shits and bigger shits,

Number for Twitter followers for Ke$ha: Over 2 million.

That’s a combined total of over 35 million followers. That’s a lot of people.

Now, I haven’t blogged in a while, I know. Would you believe me if I told that my lack of freak encounters has caused me to have writer’s block? I know I should not be counting on the unsavory characters of society to fuel my blog, so I thought I’d take a different route. Let’s turn the freak spotlight on myself this time. 

Now, I’d like to think that I’m not the dimmest lightbulb in the basement but I seem to have trouble understanding how 35 million other people in this world can make  any sense of Nicki Minaj and her fellow bubble-gum radio wave surfers at any place, time, or state of mind other than on a Saturday night at a shady night club after ingesting 7 tequila shots and a Tim Hortons honey glazed donut on the drunken way home.

Mind you, before I go any further with this rant…err…I mean, findings of my socio-musical experiment, you have to know that I always had a bit of a proud, I-have-better-taste-in-everything streak in me that I have desperately tried to keep in check. For example, when I was 12, all my girlfriends were doodling the words ‘Mrs. Nick Carter’ in their textbooks. I, on the other hand, was making palaces in the sky over grainy photos of Prince William cut out from Kuwaiti newspapers. It wasn’t that I thought that Nick Carter and his Backstreet friends were beneath me. I just thought that Prince William (with all his hair back then) was so many levels above them.

(Dear 12-year-old Karen,

Prince William still >>> Nick Carter.

Love,

25-year-old Karen.

PS: you’re way better looking now.)

So what I want you to understand from this post is that I’m not hating on mainstream bubblegum pop. I’m just judging it…if  that’s okay.

Now that I got that giant disclaimer out of the way, let’s move on with my judging rant.

For once, I have actually given the other side a chance. I listened to Nicki Minaj and Rihanna this morning as opposed to my usual “suicidal hipster” easy listening music of Ingrid Michaelson and Lyyke Li.

My morning commute to work is neatly divided into three stages. Or rather, three bus transfers, so to speak. I’m not a morning person, so the music I listen to first thing in the morning is very imperative in influencing whether its going to be a day where I’ll be throwing up rainbows and daffodils on everyone I meet or whether I’ll be banging my head repeatedly against a large metal pipe.

I thought it would be wise to spare myself of all musical exposure for the first bus ride. You know, just to prep myself and make it a fair playing field for Minaj.

As it so happened, Katy Perry was first on my list. Not gonna lie , I actually enjoy her in small doses. Teenage Dream, which used to be a song that made me want to jump into a canon, had silently grown on me like dandelions.  

Yes, Katy. We can be friends.

Rihanna and Drake were next on my list. I listened to Drake justify getting high on his birthday and then trying to find solutions to tricky math problems like square roots that would drive math teachers worldwide to an early grave. It wont be long before he collaborates with Miley Cyrus and tries to find the cure for cancer while he’s high…on his birthday. It was a very honest effort to try and keep listening for more than 20 seconds before I absolutely had to stop for some air. Fail.

“I figured it out!! Its 8.3066..” (Photo: http://www.blog.muchmusic.com)

 For the grande finale, I turned my ear to the great Minaj. I have to say, “Superbass” is VERY catchy…but then again, so is the flu. I found that I could not listen to that song without imagining myself with no pants and swimming in a large ocean of Peptobismol. To my non-North American readers, peptobismol is a bubblegum pink colored concoction used to treat diarrhea. Ironically, just the sight of pepto gives me the runs. The thought of swimming in it was the final straw in effectively and completely ruining my morning. Metal pipe it was going to be.

 I tried not to be so hard on Nicki and gave her a second chance. When I came home I watched her new video “Stupid Hoe”. It’s the one where for 90% of the song, all she’s saying is stupid hoe and I’m 90% sure she’s talking about herself. Not to mention, the video gave me multiple seizures. I’m obviously missing something here that 8 million other people are not. 8 million people! Can one of you please school my goody-two-shoes, indie-music-loving, ignorant self as to what is worth following here? Sadly that was the end of Nicki Minaj for me.
 
Can’t say I didn’t try.
 

Exactly my reaction when I watched the video of "Stupid hoe", stupid hoe.

 
I didn’t bother with Lady Gaga or Ke$ha because I honestly didn’t think I had the strength to go through with it.
 
So, the verdict was in: The experiment was incomplete but very conclusive. Nicki Minaj and Drake perked up nothing but feelings of rushing for an important bathroom visit and maybe a brain aneurysm. I was going back forever to my suicidal hipster music….with an occasional splash of Katy Perry just to keep my humility in check.
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22 thoughts on “A socio-musical experiment in morning serenity: Does listening to Nicki Minaj and her pink pepto posse perk up your AM?

  1. Sorry, but i don’t know any of these people! 🙂

    I stick to what I like – 80’s, 90’s and metal, Jarre, Vangelis and Kate Bush.

    Weird?

    You should hear my more modern MP3 collection!!!

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.

  2. I wouldn’t worry about offending anyone. Most fans of this type of music don’t read very much.

    Celebrities with lots of Twitter followers usually don’t have much to offer the world. If 12 million people like what you’re saying then chances are you aren’t saying anything worthwhile. You probably don’t have a real opinion. – my justification for having nobody listening to what I have to say.

    • I don’t necessarily agree with tons of Twitter followers being directly proportional to stupidity. But I will agree that it would be really hard to read anything respectable after spending hours listening to senseless and often incomprehensible “lyrics” about masochism and destructive relationships. Not to mention watching videos of beds and houses burning down.

  3. I don’t mind a bit of bubblegum pop every now and then, but Nicki took it slightly too far with this one. Like you said, Super Bass was brilliant, but Stupid Hoe just has no wit or charm whatsoever. I may have to ignore this one and hope that she follows up with something smarter and catchier!

    • Thanks for agreeing about Stupid Hoe. I honestly thought I was the only one who thought that the video was totally unecessary :/ Compared to that, the pepto in Superbass looked like a work of art. Maybe thats what they wanted to do, they just wanted Stupid Hoe to distract us from the fact that she was swimming in antacids in her previous video.

      On a different note, thank you for subscribing! 😀

  4. I have to say I like Katy Perry, and sometimes Rihanna – as much as a person who likes “real music” (me) can like the popular stuff of today (them). Drake is… fine, I can stand that. and Nicki grew on me though I hated her with a burning passion when she first came around. I decided a few years ago that being a music snob was annoying and unfair since everyone’s opinion differs. While I can’t say that Drake’s stuff is really “music,” why bother judging?

    I applaud your efforts in trying! 🙂 Stick to what you like, its the best for you I’m sure. Woo! real music!

    • I like Katy too. Rihanna not so much, just as long as it does not involve Drake, I can handle her. Please tell me your secrets as to how Nicki grew on you. Thats still a mystery to me. And yes, I know it really is annoying and unfair. I get my musical opinions questioned all the time. Everyone has a right to their opinion…but its alright to be curious about why they have it….I think lol

    • Holy! What happened to Nick Carter!? Thanks for the eye candy, he really has changed! I will give it to him that he is better looking than Prince William now, but it definitely wasn’t so back in the day. And Prince William may dress well because he HAS to, but if you have tons of money, which I’m sure Nick Carter has had since he was 17, there’s NO excuse to be a poor dresser or let yourself go.

      That being said, kudos to Nick for pulling it together. I will always have a special place in my heart for Prince William but I am impressed with Mr. Carter too.

  5. Ok so here are my two cents:
    – although I am a bit of an indie snob as well, I can get down with bubblegum pop in a number of instances. I find it an appropriate soundtrack for drinking, running on the treadmill, and the occasional housecleaning spree for example.
    – Katy Perry, however, is NEVER OK in my books. I can’t get down. Though i will take her sloppy seconds in Russell Brand. mmm.
    – Also can’t get down with Drake- I find what he does is not actually singing, but more of a speak-singing hybrid.. plus, doesn’t anyone else remember him as Jimmy from Degrassi the Next Generation?? How can someone who played a crippled teenage former basketball star on a series of after-school-specials have any street cred whatsoever?
    – I love Nicki, and I have ever since I heard her sing that verse on “Monster” with Kanye West and Jay Z.
    – Longest comment ever.
    -Great post! xo
    P.S. Smith Westerns are better 😉

    • Lucky for you I love long comments lol..

      I have to agree with you on the drinking and running. I’ve never tried listening to bubblegum pop when cleaning my house but it might be worth a try. And I’m with you 150% on the Drake bit. I never watched Degrassi but if he played a cripple teenager, he kinda still looks like it. His face always looks a little sad and tired.

      But I guess we differ on Katy and Nicki. I cannot be down with Nicki, but in time and with a lot of teenage dreams and friday nights, I can learn to love Katy.
      But none of this matters because in the end, we’re both on the same page in that we both think that Smith Westerns are eons better! 😉 lol

  6. Pingback: Top 20 Music Videos

  7. Hahahaha! Thank you for reassuring me that I am not the only person who thought they were going completely mental wondering how the f**k Nicki Minaj has become such a big deal. I CANNOT listen to the sound of her voice. I get serious anxiety attacks.

    Hilarious post =P

  8. wow, ok, I read your blog, and I will say that I enjoyed your take on the POP-ular music of today. As an actual fan of people like, Drake, Rhianna, Nicki Minaj and most of the people who are within their genre of music, I can say I did find your perspective a little different to my own.

    If your blog post didn’t make me feel insignificant and small, then the commenting afterwards surely did. I think sometimes, you can go a bit far in your ranting and actually can come across as quite offensive. @MooseLicker, I’m a fan of this music, I have a degree, I read extensively and I am quite capable of forming sentences you seem to think are impossible for a fan of this music.

    Music is about passion, feelings, and no matter the subject, no matter the genre and no matter how these artists express themselves, it’s still something personal. I think your snobbery, and others that have commented should try to understand that it’s just music if you don’t like it, you can turn it off.

    Apart from all that I do like your blog! I hope to return someday soon 🙂

    • Hello,
      First off, I appreciate your comment and I will try to address it the best I can with hopefully no more offense. This post was written purely as an opinion piece, which means its not based on fact. Just one person’s opinion. However, as one of the commenters pointed out, being a music snob like me is annoying and unfair because everyone’s opinion differs. Since I have pretty much put down your opinion in this post, you have my permission to put down mine and call me out on my snobbery (which you have done).

      So that being said, my opinion on Drake and his posse remains the same and I make no apologies for it. What I will apologise for though is the fact that in expressing it, you felt insignificant and small (even though in the very first line of your comment you did say you enjoyed my take on this). Blatant offense from my views on music was not at all my intention and I’m sorry if it came across that way to you.

      I cannot speak for any of the commenters and their opinions. But I will leave the floor open for them to address this if they choose. Once again, I really appreciate your feedback. I’m sure lots of people feel the way you do and are glad you spoke up.

      Like you said, its just music.
      Thanks for reading my blog and I hope you do return someday 🙂

  9. Every year, like the groundhog, I step out of my indie bubble and sample popular music. This year, I returned back to my hole much quicker than usual. It’s going to be a long winter, folks! Glad to see I’m not the only one who find the music forecast grim.
    Loved your post, love this blog!

    • Hahah…yeh..almost like a Toronto winter. Mostly grim, but once in a while, it surprises you with an unusually sunny day. By that I mean, some popular music is actually likeable and/or it grows on you. But no worries. Like most winters, it won’t last forever. Pretty soon a new season will start and whatever was last season will be forgotten 😉

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