Everything I know about dating, I’ve learnt from public transit

This post is dedicated to anyone who has ever lost a piece of their soul to the Toronto Transit Commission, York Region Transit or dating.

__________________________________

The dating world for a single 25 year old girl these days is a pretty scary place. It seems like every where you turn there are drama queens, cheaters and serial killers.  Coincidently, these are exactly the kind of people who ride the TTC #36 at 6:45 in the morning. Wait, maybe I should put that in a more charitable way. At 6:45 in the morning,  public transit swallows up the human soul and spits out a social ogre on to the little red seat. Come to think of it, I don’t know how that’s charitable to anyone…except maybe ogres.

This has been my first week back at work after my 7 week hiatus of foot recuperation, and never before in my life did the similarities between 21 century dating and my commutes on the Animal Express hit me so hard as it did this morning.

Ain’t nothin magical about this school bus!

After my first two bus transfers, I waited to take my third and final bus to work, the York Region Transit. Quick Note: Did you know that in a shamefully non-scientific study that was done this year, the YRT was found to be the single leading cause of murderous rage and/or high-risk suicidal behavior? People who steal your stapler at the office and  stupid girls who try to pick up change at the check-out counter with curly 17 inch nails that have kittens  and palm trees drawn on them tied in for second place.

This morning the YRT was doing what it does best, standing everyone up when they needed it the most. There was an assortment of society’s finest who were bracing the long wait with me. Among them were the confused deaf guy, the young intern guy, the curly haired office worker girl and my personal favorite, the Indian girl talking really loud on the phone with her mother in a really thick Indian accent.

It was somewhere between the deaf guy running around convinced that everyone was keeping top secret bus information from him and the Indian girl talking loud enough for every man, woman, child and stray cow in India to hear her that I realised I have been in every dating public transit situation there was to be. And since my bus wasn’t going to be there for at least another hour, I mapped out my whole dating journey into a blog post.

My dating journey began some years ago with:

 Short Turn Steve.

Short Turn Steve was a streetcar who appeared sooner than I expected him to.

What’s right with Short Turn Steve?: He was open, accomodating and had no funky odors. I wondered at my luck in snagging this one.

What’s wrong with Short Turn Steve: Steve shortturned after 5 stops, unable to take me any further. Then he turned around and went back to where we started.

Moral of the Story: Ditch you best friend, Over Analyzation and get off the Island of Why-the-hell-is-he-not-calling-me after 5 wonderful dates. If there is any lesson you can learn from Streetcar Steve, its that there’s probably too much construction ahead for this to go anywhere.

Trampy Train Trevor

If you have done the locomotion that is the Toronto subway train, you will understand my relationship with Trampy Train Trevor.

What was right with Trevor?: He was always available, generally showed up on time and took me where I wanted to go.

What was wrong with Trevor?: If you stayed with this guy long enough, you’d realise that you were just going around in circles. Not to mention, Trevor would stop at EVERY station…EVERY five minutes…and let EVERYone have a go with him. 

Moral of the story: Charming cassanovas like Trevor might take you to see the night lights of a beautiful metropolitan city but could care less about bringing you home safe if you stay late. In the end, he’s screws you over…just like he screws EVERYone else.

Stand you up Sven:

What’s right with Sven?: Sven was the out of towner whose bandwagon I got on because a large portion of my life is spent at work out of town. Plus, he’s foreign.

What was wrong with Sven?: He had no concept of how to deal with a fast-paced city girl like me and only seemed to show up when he felt like it. He was super nice, super comfortable to be with and super unreliable. Also, what kind of a name is Sven anyway?

Moral of the Story: There’s nothing worse than having to wait for two hours in the cold winter for Silly Sven to show up, right? It could only get better from here, right? Wrong.  

Bus of Bullshit Bobby:

Bullshit Bobby was the miserable shuttle bus that replaced Sven.

What was right with Bullshit Bobby: Nothing. He just happened to be there when I was cold, tired and desperate.

What was wrong with Bullshit Bobby: Everything. He had too much baggage, too many people and no space for me. I was pushed around, forced to deal with everyone else`s drama and the ride was so bumpy that this whole journey started to literally become a pain in the ass. Eventually, Bobby broke down with all the weight and the drama and I decided to just walk home.

Moral of the Story: In the end, I learnt that the one mode of transportation that didn’t fail me when I needed it the most were my own two feet.

____________________________________________

I’d like to say the journey ends here but something tells me that come tomorrow morning, this shit cycle will begin all over again. And it won’t end until I save up enough money to buy a car and get over my nervousness of driving.  Sure, a car is a commitment and maintence and is emtionally and financially demanding. But so is dating taking the bus. The only difference is, if you treat a car right, they will always bring you home. No matter which hole in the wall you are stuck at.

So here’s hoping that one day, some day…us singletons will have a car all to ourselves. And when that happens nothing and no one, (except traffic) will make us wait out in the cold anymore.

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “Everything I know about dating, I’ve learnt from public transit

  1. This reminds me of a quote from the film “A Single Man”: “My mother always says lovers are like buses. You just have to wait a little while and another one comes along.”

    P.S absolutely love your blog!

  2. Every woman I have had a relationship with had issues – I’d fix them up, get them to a good place and then they’d dump me and move on.

    That and those who were interested only in what they could get out of me, like one woman who went to great lengths to get me in bed only to try blackmail (Epic fail), theft, faked a pregnancy to get me to pay for a nonexistant abortion and when I ended up in hospital following a year and a half of persecution by Investigative Journalists, announced she’d had a miscarriage and it was a girl.

    Given it was in the first trimester she’d have needed a DNA test to prove it, so when pressed she announced she’d actually had an abortion and that was supposed to end the matter.

    She’s long gone from my life and not missed, but I do feel sorry for her because she only ever goes after the vulnerable and feels nothing other than a need to exploit the kindness of strangers…

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.

    • Prenin, I`m sorry you had to deal with so much bullshit in the relationship department. All I say is that not all women are heartless bitches and that the decent ones among us deal with the same kind of horse crap from the opposite sex. I`ve learnt that the trick is to not get bitter. Putting that into practice though is still a work in progress.

      In the end, what goes around comes around (I think)
      Anyway, have a wonderful christmas and your thank you letter is in the mail! 🙂

      • Thanks hun! 🙂

        I’m now on medication, so my relationships are limited to friendships with a whole host of good people, particularly the ladies from church who think the world of me! 🙂

        Things DO get better as I’ve found, but it’s an education I would have preferred to have done without. 🙂

        Thanks for the letter hun – I can’t wait for it to arrive, although last month I got a letter addressed to somebody in Donnington, so fingers crossed!!! 🙂

        Merry Christmas hun!

        Prenin.

  3. You are one talented blogger. Once again your shitty luck leads to an amazing posting.
    But I would switch my amusement in a heartbeat to get you that car.
    Cheers.

    • Thank you. You already know that this blog is built on the foundations of shiteous situations. That’s what makes it so entertaining lol.

      As for the car, I want a VW Jetta. Just throwing it out there. I want it in black with a PR card with my name on it sitting on the drivers seat. The color is negotiable though…I wouldn’t want to be too demanding.

  4. love this! I’ve learned some lessons from the ol’ TTC myself… like what about Redmond, the Reprehensible Rocket? The seemingly “ground breaking” and “state of the art” new subway, who will constantly stand you up and leave you hanging due to someone else’s “emergency”. Sigh.

    • Thanks! 😀

      I’ve heard that Redmond is smooth as a pole at a high end strip club. However, he hasn’t had a chance to have to his evil way with me….yet. (I’ve only had the pleasure of riding his cousin, Trampy Trevor)

      Would baby making in public count as an example of someone else’s “emergency” on the reprehensible rocket?

  5. omg I completely feel your pain with the public transit in this city. It is the bane of my existence. Thankfully I just got a new job where I can work at home most days. But before that I was commuting downtown and back home for an average 1.5 hour one-way trip every day. The ttc (and I guess the yrt) turns people into vile animals, I tell you! .. Anyways, great post lol =P

  6. I enjoyed every bit of this post, but this part was the best: “stupid girls who try to pick up change at the check-out counter with curly 17 inch nails that have kittens and palm trees drawn on them…” I thought that only happened in my neck of the woods.

    It’s reassuring, in a schadenfreude sort of way, that others must suffer this misery, as well.

    • I`m very glad you enjoyed this post and took comfort in the fact that there are other people who share the same distaste for these kind of annoyances. Rest assured, these things happen in everyone`s neck of the woods.

      Thank you so much for subscribing. There will be more social rants like these in the future to keep you sufficiently entertained 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s