The Bunny Flop

For the past few months, I’ve been wishing for a little mini vacay. Nothing crazy. Just some time off from work to catch my breath and some sleep. Its been a long year and I thought maybe I was due for some R&R.

Well, you know how the old saying goes…Be careful what you wish for because you just might break two bones in your foot and get it.

My story begins on a rainy fall Friday. I had packed a weekend bag and was ready to go to the middle of nowhere on a Catholic retreat. Jesus is relatively easier to find when you are two hours away from malls, assholes and youtube videos.

For those of my readers unfamiliar with how these retreats work, basically the first night is spent moving in your luggage into your room, shamelessly discreetly scopping out the lineups to see if anyone new and cute also decided leave behind civilization to find Jesus and just general tomfoolery.

This retreat, tomfoolery came in the form of a two hour period of “icebreakers”. Icebreakers, to me, typically should consist of AA/ support group type introductions…. “hello, my name is Karen. I enjoy fudge brownies and punching slow walkers…” that sort of thing. But NO. Icebreakers were a string of never-ending trials that just wouldn’t end. And maybe it would have been one thing if my team (Team Burn the Rug…don’t ask) was winning but the fact that we were in third place, in a race of three teams, was pissing me off. All I wanted was to kick the asses of the other two teams and then go straight to bed.

The chance to do precisely this presented itself in the grande finale game. The Bunny Hop Caterpiller Crawl. Allow me to enlighten you on just what this foolish lawsuitphilic game entailed:

  1. Each team had to pick one person to participate.
  2. Each participant had to be wrapped in a blanket and bunny hop halfway through the room.
  3. At the halfway point, each participant had to abandon the bunny and scramble to the floor to caterpillar crawl the rest of the race to the finish line.
  4. How many ways can you spell liability?

I know all of you have a wonderful imgination but I have attached pictures to show you just how ridiculous this was.

You know what they may be pregnant with twins but the camera will add a few extra small animals.

 Now that I sufficiently looked like a small undiscovered planet, the real game began. After much ado about rules, none of which involved the event of an inevitable accident/lawsuit, we took our places. Clearly, by this point my thoughts changed from vanity to apprehension.

My face shows the fact that my brain clearly thinks this is the worst idea since crocs with socks

 The race started and we were off hopping our merry way. Apparently, I had cheated modified my course a tad and thus had the lead in this race. I was going to beat those other two suckers! I was just hops away from the mid point when something happened. My excitment and competitiveness got the better of me and I took a leap. It was one small leap for a bunny and one giant crack for two metatarsals. I felt pain but still wanted to win the race. Besides, I reached the mid point. I didn’t need my feet to do the caterpillar crawl. But one slight movement told me the only thing I was going to win that night  was a 6 week unpaid vacation and a bottle of Tylenols 3’s and Percocets. 

As you can tell, the real winner of the bunny hop is the little heap in the back lying in a half fetal position

After much fuss and tears, I was taken to the ER. The triage nurse asked me what happened. Me and the three friends who accompanied me burst into giggles. Because the truth was that there was no way to frame this story in a way that would sound respectable.

In what parellel universe would a sensible, critically thinking person like a triage nurse, after hearing a story like that,  not come to believe that the best way for people to get to know each other at a catholic retreat is to play a game of jackassery taken straight from the play book of  The Drunken Frat Boy?

They wheeled me in for an X-Ray. The verdict was passed. I had a broken foot. The nurse gave me two Tylenol 2’s half an hour before the doctor dug into my broken foot to cast me. Since the T2’s were useless mofos, I suffered the worst 10 minutes of my life and then was wheeled out of the ER.
And that my friends is the story of my first fracture ever.
Its been 5 days since that fateful night of non-drunken bunny hopping. I spend my time on this forced vacation doing the things I love to do. Procrastinating, blogging, watching youtube videos,  milking kindness from others, catching up on tv shows and eating. In fact, as we speak I’m munching on a delicious chocolate chip cookie after which I shall take a percocet and go to sleep…for a long time.
The Icebreakers were subsequently renamed The Footbreakers but then cancelled altogether due to liability issues. I think games in general are a concept that have been cancelled forever from all future retreats. Now catholic retreats will break the ice the old fashioned way: silence, awkwardness and lots of time well wasted at the cookie table.
My Facebook friend count kicked up a few notches after this retreat. Essentially, the bunny hop pretty much accomplished its mission. It broke the ice, my foot and the misconception that Catholic retreats are safe and boring.  

16 thoughts on “The Bunny Flop

  1. OUCH!!! Given it was a Catholic retreat did they call it an Act of God???

    Jokes aside I really hope you get well soon and that this is the LAST time you break ANYTHING!!!

    Love and squishy hugs!


  2. hah…I would have called it an Act of God if God was the one who planned out this stupid game. In the end, I have to chalk it down to human stupidity.

    Thank you for your kind wishes! 🙂

    • haha no name changes yet. I will call this a misfortunate lucky break. I’m glad you enjoyed reading. Part of shitty things happening is the fact that the shitter the event, the more entertainement potential it has. lol


    • hah…my injury does seem hysterical now in retrospect. Not so much when it was happening lol. Glad this post took to back in time…and that you laughed. 😉

    • lol don’t hop here Shawn. You know what happened when someone last did THAT! Thanks a lot though. I really appreciate it:)

    • bahahha…no I’m not particularly litigious. But can you imagine if that were the case. You go on a retreat to learn to forgive and find Jesus. You come back with a 2 million dollar lawsuit and a broken foot. And I think you are the first one who thinks this is a good story. The nurses at the ER didn’t believe me when I told them what happened. They said I had to tweek it a bit to make it more badass or at least believable lol. Thank you of the kind wishes! 🙂

  3. My wife is a lifelong Catholic and I converted from CofE when we got married, 13 years ago, and frankly it doesn’t surprise me that they tied you up in a duvet and forced you to hop, wriggle and crawl until you broke something, all in the name of love and friendship. Catholics, and I’m one now, are a well meaning bunch, but a bit out of touch and over enthusiastic when it comes to making people do stuff they don’t want to do. Our youngest is still at Catholic primary school and I dread the play season, because the head teacher, bless her, is all for getting the parents up to do bits of the play, ad hoc, unrehearsed. I sympathise with your abject humiliation and unwanted injury. Anyway it could have been worse it could have been an Inquisition themed exercise and week end; ‘We begin with a little stretching. Sister Anna get the rack!’

    • Its true. I\m a catholic and I was a little out of touch and over enthusiastic when it came to making myself do something I really should not have been doing. At least, I’d like to blame that on Catholics but the real truth was that I was over competitive and wanted to kick the crap out of the other teams. But I will agree, the Catholics who designed this game should have sat down with a paralegal or even a normal person to bring them down to earth and tell them what a dumbass idea this was.

      bahahaha and yes…so right. It could have been an inquisition themed weekend! lol.
      Thanks for reading and sympathizing 🙂

    • hahah the only reason this is funny is because the story behind how I broke it is funny. But yes, I added a few extra words for drama lol. If you ever break something (God forbid) let me know. I’ll try to word into a Seinfeld episode 😀

    • Hotmess10, the ridiculousness of this whole thing inspired a lot of LOLs from a lot of people. People till today look at my foot and laugh. Its just one of those things I guess lol…

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