Let’s be Friends!

…is a line I’ve heard too many times before. But never at 6:45 in the morning when I’m barely trying to keep myself from falling into a coma, let alone think of a clever way to counter some uncalled for a.m. flirtage. That was until a couple of days ago when I was ran in a panic stricken daze to catch the 36, the first of 3 buses I had to take to work every morning. I was angry enough at this inconvenient transportational arrangment that social niceties were not something on the breakfast menu.

So anyway, it was a Thursday morning and like any Thursday morning, the coffee cup was half-full with the prospect of the upcoming weekend and half-empty because I had drunk half my coffee and still wasn’t too thrilled about having to face two more work days.

I was about to cross the major intersection that separated me from my bus stop. This was one of those mornings where my bus was making its way to the bus stop and I knew I wouldn’t be able to legally cross the road to get to it in time. So in an effort to not be late for another day at my dream job of ultrasounding feet and groins, I broke the law and jayran across the street to catch my bus.

The bus driver turned out to be an Indian man with a Santa Claus beard. If you have read my previous blog post ‘The New and Improved Boyfriend Screening Process’ (please read it if you haven’t), you will know that Santa Claus beards are one of the single most successful cockblocks of all time.

This is what ensued after I got on the bus:

Santa Claus Singh: “Oh! Now I know you can run!”

Karen: “What? oh..uhh…yes.”

Santa Claus Singh: “Are you going to work?”

I couldn’t tell him that I liked taking the bus at 6:30 in the morning just to engage in some tomfoolery with Santa Claus.

Karen: “Yes, I’m going to work.”

Santa Claus Singh: “What do you work as?”

Gone are the days when Santa Claus, the ever nosy busybody just wanted to know whether you were naughty or nice. Now he wants to know what you do for a living.

Karen: “I’m a kinesiologist.”

Santa Claus Singh: ‘A kiniosolist?’

Karen: “Exercise therapist”.

Quick Lesson: When someone cannot pronounce your profession, change it.

Santa Claus Singh: “Oh soo nice. You are like a therapist. A healer. You heal.”

What kind of imbecilic zero did we have here? I could tell that for Santa, ‘healer’ was just another word for good-looking woman who would not only tolerate a copious amount of quarter-life-crisis-inducing pickup  lines, but would also think he was the catch of a lifetime. Oh goody.

Before I knew what was happening, Santa Claus pulled out his business card.

Santa Claus Singh: “I drive this bus by day, but this is my true passion in life”. He pointed at his passion on his business card.

It said:

Santa Claus Singh.

Mortgage Agent

Santa Claus Singh looked expectantly at me. Expecting me to gawk in awe at his passion card I guess. I tried to cut the awkwardness with some light humor.

Karen: “Oh hahahaha…are you trying to sell me a house?”

Santa apparently didn’t think this was a good joke because I was the only one laughing.

Just then, by the mercy of Jesus, some other passengers who just got on had some questions about bus routes. I was blissfully relieved of this useless waste of time conversation. Sure, being on a bus is a waste of time to begin with. But talking to this man was a double waste of time since I could be spending this time staring at the floor dreaming of jam sandwiches and sandcastles.

My stop finally came around. Just as I was about to exit the bus, Special Mortgage Agent Santa claws his way into one final attempt at closing this deal with the healer.

Santa Claus Singh: “Wait! I want you to know one thing. I was NOT trying to sell you house. You understand?? NOT trying to sell you house!”

I nodded dumbly trying to get the hell out of the bus. But he continues on…

Santa Claus Singh: “I gave you my card because I want to be friends with you and know you. Will you call me? My number is on the card. Call me. Let’s be friends.”

Karen: “Okay. Bye.”

The problem is that there are way too many freaks who want to be my ‘friend’ and not enough crack to handle these friend requests. I have friends. Real friends. Real friends who know that at 6:30 in the morning, what you truly need is a non- fat latte and a gun. Not another friend.


15 thoughts on “Let’s be Friends!

  1. Oh yikes! Yeah, one time I was at an Office Depot photocopying my resumes and the 40 year old man behind the counter said he’d give me a 50% discount if he could be my “sugar daddy”. He also literally said the words “I’ll treat you real nice” – who knew such creepy stereotypes really existed? I, frankly, would have preferred to remain oblivious.
    Side note: Dreaming of sandcastles and jam sandwiches seems like an excellent way to spend a bus trip. Thanks for the tip!

    • Your Office Depot story is scary and scarily common. Creepy stereotypes do exist and function in society. Also, reading and listening to music are alternate ways to spend bus trips. But if you really like jam sandwichs and sandcastles, there’s nothing like an empty morning bus to focus on those lovely things lol.

  2. I’m sure it was a helluva trip for you that morning 😀 Now you’re going to make sure you don’t take the bus he drives.lol
    And I actually think you were nice! 🙂
    If it was me, he would’ve been having this convo with himself.

    • hahaha there is always something or the other that happens on these commutes. And I wish I had the choice to make my selection of drivers. If I did, I would have rather been `friends` with the really hot one that comes 20 minutes earlier. However, when it comes down to a choice between beautiful men and beautiful sleep, guess which one wins.

      And thanks a lot for saying that I was nice about it. Because most people feel bad for this fool driver!!! :s crazy.

  3. Karen – I’m getting more and more addicted to reading your blogs regularly 🙂
    Don’t know whether it’s just your crazy life or your amazing writing skills but you certainly know how to keep me entertained throughout. When’s the next one and can you add me to your listserv? 😀

    • Danesh!! I had no idea would read my blog!…lol I`m glad you are entertained. I think it is a cross between my crazy life and my amazing writing skills that keep the small masses coming back for more hahah. Having crazy things happen is actually totally worth writing about it later and entertaining everyone.

      You can actually recieve new blog post updates via email!! There should be a `sign me up` button on the right of the screen from recieve this blog via email. Just click on that and you`re good to go! Once again thanks so much for reading 🙂

  4. This is awesome- I had a similar experience with a cab driver recently… there is a time and a place for getting hit on (maybe?) by transport agents… at 6:45 a.m. isn’t one of them.

    • There truly is a time and place..but there’s also an age limit. I once did have a bus driver talk me up but he was 10 years younger than this bearded friend. Needless to say I didnt blog about him and if I did I probably would have been a lot more charitable lol.

      Thanks for reading and I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂 Cheers!

  5. I always feel sorry for women on the subject of being approached by men. Women don’t do that sort of thing to men; women have too much self respect. I don’t and never did indulge in that kind of behaviour and I didn’t understand when my friends did. I had an older sister by two years and she took me out to dances when she was sixteen and I was fourteen, so I got to learn how to talk to ‘females’ and how not to be a jerk. So I sympathise I really do. If I see it happening anywhere I cringe and do what the man hitting on the girl isn’t doing; I watch her face, especially the eyes, to see whether she is interested or thinking ‘stalker’. (Good blog style by the way; good humour and well written lines. A pleasure to read).

    • I dont mind the approaching because I think it takes a lot of confidence and guts. What annoys me is when men pay scant regard to the circumstances surrounding this approach. Like you said, you cringe when you see it happen…approaches like these make things awkward for everyone directly and indirectly involved.

      That being said I’m glad you enjoy reading my posts! lol…I hope you stick around because there is never a shortage of freaks in life to keep everyone entertained. 😀

  6. Great post Karen.. bumped into your blog while searching through tag “humor”… loving it! You have good writing skills, look forward to reading your blog! Cheers

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