The day began as any other. With the alarm clock. My phone is set to an alarm that sounds like a warning signal in a maximum security prison…and so it is only natural that I’m barged out of my blissful sleep on a daily basis. I was having a complicated dream involving Amy Winehouse and an earthquake but it’s obviously a blur to me now.
It was Monday, and while I usually moan and groan on the way to the bathroom, when I saw that the temperature this morning was going to be a couple of degrees above zero, I actually lightened up. So maybe I should not have spent a million hours trying to figure out what to wear this morning. Or maybe I should have packed my lunch last night. Or maybe I shouldn’t have insisted on straightening my hair considering that it was pissing rain outside.
But let’s not talk about my laziness and vanity for a second and concentrate on the fact that the York Region Transit (the idiot express to Woodbridge) was not going to go on strike as planned and while there was a substantial possibility that I would miss my bus, I had a shiny brand new umbrella. Yes folks, this was my 5th umbrella this season. If there was a way to attach an umbrella to my jacket like mittens on children, I would be all over that like a pre-pubescent girl on a Jonas brother.
Now, a little back story to this umbrella…I figured with my history of leaving a trail of umbrellas everywhere I went (bus #77, Ikea, Finch subway bathroom..) I would buy a relatively cheaper umbrella and when I lost this one (which is quite a realistic possibility), I’ll just go back to the same Chinese dollar store and buy another $4.00 umbrella. No jokes. $3.99. Am I good or what!
So anyway, here I am, feeling 5 degrees warmer than usual, hastily walking to my bus stop, trying to balance my purse, trying to a find a song I like on my iPod and trying to open this four dollar umbrella. Well, my purse finally settled on my shoulder and the iPod finally settled on Sting but the umbrella refused to open. There was no convenient button to press and trying to push it open was futile. My straightened hair fell flat and Sting changed to Matchbox 20. By the love of God, the umbrella finally opened. I know this because I distinctly remember muttering…”oh for the love of God”.
I have to say…even though this lunatic umbrella wouldn’t open, it was a strong little sucker. It stood sturdy in the wind and refused to twist inside out. I’m proud to say that I was the only one on Finch Avenue this morning that didn’t look like that idiotic umbrella ninja trying to get it back the right way. I decided to name it Thor. And what’s more, I knew the TTC gods were also smiling down on me today because a bus pulled into the stop just as I got there. I happily pulled out my bus pass and tried to close up Thor before getting on.
If you have made it this far in this endless-of-days rant and have actually been paying attention, then what happens next will come as no surprise to you. Thor absolutely REFUSED to close. I flashed my pass at the driver and walked in with an open wet umbrella. The next 4 and a half minutes were spent in a frustrated frenzy of trying to balance myself on a moving TTC bus (which most of you know is a feat in and of itself), trying to keep my purse from sliding down and trying my hardest to close an umbrella in front of a bus load of people.
After I had managed to finally fold up Thor, my next worry was whether or not I would make it to my connecting bus. My connecting bus was in 20 minutes. On a really great day of public transit, I would be able to get there in 15 minutes. Due to my luck with the quick bus this morning, I had reason to hope. But when we got EVERY SINGLE red light on the way, the hope began to fade. But I still prayed. I prayed so hard I tell you. I prayed that I would reach there on time. I prayed even knowing it was not really possible, unless we had no more red lights and the bus wouldn’t have to make anymore stops on the way.
And would you believe it…I reached the stop of my connecting bus 3 minutes early. Jesus was definitely smiling. I was a little surprised though that there was no bus. And then I found out why. I had made it in time. But apparently as of this morning, all the York Regional Transit bus schedules changed without any prior notice.
I couldn’t help laughing at the irony that I while I had thought I was three minutes early, I had actually missed my bus by three minutes.
Once again, the loony town transit had failed me and thousands of other people this morning. But Thor saved the day because while all else might have failed…but I was still dry. Eventually, I got on another bus to Woodbridge and then Thor and I took the 25 minute walk to work together hand in handle.