Ever since that fateful day when I foolishly signed away my
soul a new contract with Telus entailing 3 years of slavery and a free BlackBerry, my life hasn’t been the same. There was a $5.00 difference between the data plan and the social networking plan…the social networking plan being five bucks cheaper. Of course, my cheap cost effective tendencies naturally gravitated towards social networking. So I’m a bit of a Facebook junkie but that’s probably all the good a social networking plan would have done for me. I thought Twitter was a pointless concept, MSN was redundant and who the heck uses Yahoo Messenger? BlackBerry messenger was great but I hurt my head trying to figure out the difference between sending a bbm and a text when both were instant and both came “free” with the social networking plan. Not to mention the snarky comments that come with owning a BlackBerry. (It was FREE, people!!! Free! You can get one too! I’m NOT a snob.)
Anyway, this phone is the size of a small calculator. It has a plethora of functions, most of which I haven’t bothered discovering. It can do complicated equations, store blog posts on Microsoft Word, show me my tax accounts on Excel, allow me to view slideshows, find a cure for cancer and wake me up with its godawful alarm ringtone in the morning.
And while it may sound like I’m talking about having a BlackBerry with the SN plan in a slightly negative way, it’s quite the contrary. I have joined Twitter. Yes, I tweet. This might not be such a bad thing, I say to myself. On the upside, I learn fun facts about my fellow tweeters. Like I now know exactly how many pairs of socks one bought at Wal-Mart, or when they pee, or when they cross the street or when they are unhappy with the weather (this is a popular one this time of year).
On the downside, Twitter is still as pointless as Tim Hortons’ Roll Up the Rim.
The real winner for me then remains the unlimited text messaging, bbm (to humor other BB owners) and Facebook. Gone are the dreary days of my daily morning and afternoon commutes where I spent all my time listening to John Mayer and people-watching the same people everyday. Now my hour and a half commutes are neatly divided into listening to John Mayer, tweeting about the weather and updating my Facebook status. I even have a very humble group of 20 Twitter followers who have the pleasure of hearing about frigid weather conditions every morning or about the dream I had last night about Kim Kardashian…in not so much detail though seeing as how Twitter only allows me 140 characters to play around with. It’s almost like a fun morning challenge for your brain.
Even my spiritual life has benefited from social networking! Gone are the days when I would pray about getting a restraining order against the bus idiot, Shady McShade. These days, I look too much like a BlackBerry snob even to annoying creepers like McShady who don’t know the meaning of no. Now I pray to Jesus for the more important things in life like world peace, blessings for my family and friends, gratefulness (that Shady has disappeared) and that I don’t spontaneously combust at work.
As for my actual social life, my calendar sadly still looks the same as it did before I discovered the joys of being a victim of modern consumerism. Social networking in the virtual world apparently doesn’t make you an instant social superstar in the real world. At the end of the day, the lesson to take from all of this is that regardless of you ambidextrous ability to text at a million characters per second or your high social networking IQ or the fact that you have every man, woman, child and their neighbour’s dog following you on Twitter, nothing changes the fact that you still require an actual personality to be cool.
And that fact unfortunately transcends the skill of talking about the most intimate details of your life in under 140 characters.
All that being said, you can follow me on Twitter @karend09. A personality is not required…though highly preferred.