It feels like years since I’ve last blogged. My reasoning was that I could not find anything to blog about. So I decided to rectify the situation and turned to google for solace and solutions. I punched in “stuff to blog about”. Of the vast array of suggestions, the ones that most caught my eye were ‘My Least Favorite Relative’, ‘Naming a Child’ and ‘Descriptions of Satan’.
Let’s just say that I couldn’t really justify warranting these subjects anymore than a few sentences. For example, my least favorite relative either has some sort of social networking facilities, abilities or knows someone who does, thus increasing the likelihood that they would read an entire blog post about what a crummy human being they are. Quite frankly, I’m not ready to deal with the backlash of this situation from my mother.
As for naming a child, I do not think you need to read a whole blog post on the subject to be convinced that naming your child LaTuna Delish and your twins Fish n’ Chips (actual names) will have some serious psychological ramifications on the poor sucker’s personality.
And as for the description of Satan, the words ‘winters in Canada’ should suffice. No need for an entire blog post on what just could be a good Facebook status, or twitter update…or proven fact.
So I decided that if I am to make a big comeback to the blogosphere, the only thing I could write about is how my day goes. And hopefully you actually might see some humor in what I believe to be a pretty routine life.
I started my day at 5:45am. That’s when my cellphone’s annoying ringtone woke me up. By the 5th time of hitting the snooze button, I dragged my ass to the bathroom, where I brushed my teeth and gargled warm salt water. Did I mention, breathing in the frigid cold air every morning at 6:30 has caused my throat to get so sore that I actually spit out blood when I cough. Maybe I should blog about ‘Descriptions of Satan’ after all.
Since I was also running a fever this morning I decided to go to the doctor. I’m not one to run crying to the doctor at the first signs of a cold, but blood and fever usually get me all shook up.
I waited in the waiting room of a walk-in clinic listening to Jack Johnson and Taylor Swift and having anxiety attacks about tuberculosis, immigration applications and dying by means of a cold when I was called in.
The doctor turned out to be a cute young Jewish guy with curly hair and skinny jeans (no joke…you can’t make this crap up).
“So Karen, is it?”
“And you just have a cold?”
I wanted to scream “I’m NOT a hypochondriac!!! I’m spitting blood and running a 101 F fever for God’s sakes…you cute man” Well, I didn’t scream it but I did say it..minus the hypochondriac, God’s sakes and cute man part.
He stuck one of those wooden things against my tongue and looked inside at my throat. “Did you get your tonsils out?” Was he expecting me to answer that with my mouth open and my tongue sticking out? I wasn’t sure so I made a weird noise which was supposed to sound like a yes.
“Karen, you mind if I take a swab of your throat to make sure you don’t have strep throat?”
The swab is by far the most uncomfortable thing ever…right after PAP tests, thongs and ugly, drunk guys hitting on you on the bus.
This will only take a moment, he promised. He stuck the swab in my throat and tried to scrap away a sample. I couldn’t help it but it hurt and I coughed out so hard in his face that his curly hair flew back. It was like a bad movie in slow motion.
“I’m sorry I coughed in your face”, I say sheepishly.
“It’s okay. I’ve been getting coughed on all day”
I’m not sure how many deal breakers there are when it comes to dating pepole (like Jewish doctors, for example) but coughing in their face had to be at the top of the list.
After all that drama, I left with a prescription for a gargling solution. Dr. Curly felt that there was no need to worry about bloody spit. I looked at him and hoped he wasn’t just saying that to get me the hell out of his office before I coughed out my guts in his face.
I came home with my green gargling solution, took a shower, and called work to tell them not to expect me in tomorrow. My throat still feels like someone’s scraped it with a cheese grater but I have the day off tomorrow, which means I won’t have to breathe that chilly morning air.
So that folks was my day in a blog post. Nothing out of the ordinary really. As you can tell, coughing in someone’s face was the highlight of my day. It does feel good to be blogging again though. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some gargling and lazing around to do.