Karen’s Guide to Maximising Gym Workouts

The following are accounts of true stories that yours truly experiences on a regular basis at the gym on account of her cute boy ADD. The names are made up but the stories are real.

There are three types of gym guys that I encounter when I’m at GoodLife working on my fitness. Let’s face it, my motivations to go to the gym and exercise are not purely to meet Canadian standards for a healthy lifestyle. However, I try not to be too hard on myself for having other reasons why my co-ed workouts are so much fun.

Bachelor #1: The cutie at front desk.

A typical conversation between Karen and front desk cutie:

Karen: Hi!

Cutie: Hey you! How are you today?

Karen: I’m fine thanks. I like your tie.

Cutie: Really? Thanks!

A moment of awkward smiling.

Cutie: Okay. I’m going to go change my shirt now.

Karen: (huh??) Okay.

Moral of the Story: Flirting with front desk cutie is a-okay on a Sunday afternoon when you can talk about the weather and getting drunk in Vegas. Flirting with front desk cutie is a-not-okay when his boss is watching him like a hawk trying not to explode into a volcanic laughter.

How does this one maximise your workout? Having a cute front desk boy to greet you motivates you to show up. That’s pretty much all you need really.

Bachelor #2: The hot working man.

The Scene: Karen is running on the treadmill enjoying the endorphins and Maroon 5 trying not to pass out. Enter in hot working man in his fancy dress shirt and messy hair. After half an hour of awkward eye contact and doing their own respective workouts, fate brings them both to the one Lat-Pull Down machine at the gym. The hottie is there first. But so is Karen.

Hottie: Uhhh…you know what? You can have the machine.

Karen: Uhhh…that’s alright. You were here first.

Hottie: But I insist. Take the machine.

Karen: Okay. But I will mess up all your settings and that will be annoying.

Hottie: That’s okay. I’m always on this thing. You should take it. I’m going to go and drink water or something. *insert hot smile*

Karen: Okay. *insert metaphorical faint*

Moral of the Story: Avoid this man like the plague. He is too hot for his own good. And find another machine to work your lats. Oh wait. There’s just one. Change gyms.

How does this one maximise your workout? Motivates you to use the Lat machine. Because he so graciously offered it to you. And you better pull down like your life depends on it. Because you know this man is not drinking water. He’s behind you on the chest press machine looking at you.

Bachelor #3: The mature man.

The mature man is a euphemism for the older (looking) guy at the gym. He’s cute for an older guy and you see him every morning going to work in his fancy shirt. Now you see him in gym shorts. Fun.

The scene: The stretching area. Karen and mature man are two feet away from each other.

Mature man: ……

Karen: …..

Mature man: …..

Karen: ……

Moral of the Story: This intellectual conversation with the mature man is a sign that its time you go to the lat pull down machine. Oh wait. Lat Pull Down area is ground zero. Yes, in this case, it is a sign to go home.

How does this one maximise your workout? In creating such an awkward atmosphere of silence, you are forced to move on from your procrastinating session in the stretch area onto the Lat machine. Which we all now know has it’s own motivation.

Alright then. It’s the end of my workout. I got my endorphins. This girl’s busting out of this joint. I change and make my way out and pass by the front desk. Front desk cutie is there along and his other front desk buddy who is equally cute and several other GoodLife employees.  The object of the game here is to make it out the door without their boss noticing me . However, I smile  at neither one of them in particular without  realising it. Both stare at me with expressionless faces.

Other front desk cutie: Are you heading out?

Karen: Yes.

The End.

What the hell is the point of this entire post?

I don’t know. I suppose I just want to tell everyone  I enjoy going to the gym so much so I can record observations of the ridiculous social interaction with the opposite sex. And by that I mean record  my ridiculous social interaction with the opposite sex because it is always a such special brand of fail that it makes for humorous blog posts.

Advertisements

65 thoughts on “Karen’s Guide to Maximising Gym Workouts

  1. Hahaha!!! I really enjoyed this! Now, if I ever go to the gym, I’ll know what to do around all the guys! 😀 Great post! Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed!

  2. Hahahah….Very interesting and you know why i go to gym?..So that girls get a chance to write such interesting things(like this one) and fall in day dreaming that they are very hot. To set the record straight, I usually throw such looks on them as if they are very sexy irrespective of the fact that some of them happen to be extremely sex repulsive(lolz). But truly speaking I like this game. Your post is awesome.
    http://gulzameenkhan.wordpress.com/

  3. I don’t think you are the only one who goes to the gym for the entertainment value as well as the healthy lifestyle factor.

    I go to the gym for the people watching myself. It makes the time on the eliptical pass by quicker and I find that it takes the feeling of passing out away.

    Oh, and at my gym there are two types of guys… ones who work out and are good at it and then the ones who are pretending to be all buff and tough and yet stand next to the water fountian my machine is out and complain how hard that 15 min run on the treadmill was for them but at least now they got it out of the way and can work on the weights.

    I can honestly say when I leave the gym my spirits are well lifted. LOL!

    • Hi Kara!

      LOL I know EXACTLY what you mean. There is a guy at my gym who is soo hardcore that he does push-ups while balancing on exercise balls. Then there are the other buff guys who do crap-all. I call them Ninja Turtles. Because they look like the Ninja Turtles but all they’re good it is eating pizza.

      On another note, thanks a lot for checking out my blog! 🙂 I hope you will be back when I post again! 🙂

  4. Hi Karen,

    I love it! Your sense of humor has a slight twist like mine. I “play” at Lifetime Fitness in Cleveland (Ohio) and have a cute guy at the counter sometimes and a few steady regular guys I see each week. One I call gray tank shirt man and he freaked me out a few weeks ago when he finally wore an all black ensemble. Anywho, just wanted to say I really enjoyed your post and your site. I’m a Starbucks junkie as well.

    Barbara

    • Hello Barbara!
      First off thank you soo much for checking out my blog! Second off, I actually laughed out loud when I read that your grey tank guy who an all black ensemble. Sounds like something that would freak me out too and yet at the same time inspired me to write a blog post about it. And right on with the Starbucks. I look forward to checking out your blog and I hope you will stick around mine 🙂

  5. (Hi, found your blog via the WP homepage.)

    Love this: “And find another machine to work your lats. Oh wait. There’s just one. Change gyms.”

    I think everyone has awkward gym conversations/interactions. There’s this myth that it’s possible to meet someone you’d date at a gym when in reality you’re sweaty and they’re sweaty and so no one actually feels confident enough to go for it! Great post, I very much enjoyed it.

  6. Karen,

    Hopefully I don’t sound like I’m bragging or anything, but your post makes me so glad I’m married and don’t have to deal with this anymore! However, I think my husband and I still interact kind of ridiculously though. He’s a boy and I’m a girl so I don’t think we’ll ever figure eachother out. Thank you for being so honest – you are very funny!

  7. Pingback: Karen’s Guide to Maximising Gym Workouts (via The Skinny Jeans and Starbucks Chronicles) « Santa's Own Blog

    • emmm this dude is special. He wears a him gym staff uniform and a cool tie that matches it. He’s one of those types who should be working in a funky vintage store instead of a gym. sigh. Thanks for checking out my blog! 🙂

  8. Karen your blog is hilarious. Totally reminds me of my friends & I and our life in Calgary. Keep up the great work 🙂

  9. Haha, love it. Back when I was a swingin’ single girl, eyeballing strange men in their short-shorts was about the only reason I could convince myself go to the gym. That, and the smoothies. In fact, I’m probably the only person who actually gained weight at the gym. Congrats on Freshly Pressed — can’t wait to read more from you!

  10. Hey there fellow Canuck…

    Well, not a born and bred one, but for the past 4 years an “Adopted” Canuck. 😉

    HILARIOUS!

    My favourite conversation is Definately Mature Guy and Karen…

    CLASSIC!!

    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! And thanks for taking me back to those days…Mine weren’t at Good Life, mine were at Bally’s *sigh*

    • hello fellow adopted canuck! 😀
      Thank you for checking out my blog 🙂 And starting at GoodLife is highly recommended 😀

  11. Such a funny post. I can picture all of these interactions happening. I could also picture myself being super awkward in every single one, haha. But hey, we have to find out motivation somewhere, right?

  12. Haha, I enjoyed reading this post! I especially liked the part “And you better pull down like your life depends on it. Because you know this man is not drinking water. He’s behind you on the chest press machine looking at you.”
    I’ll check out your other posts as well. Somehow your blog kind of reminds me of mine, except mine lack a sense of humour!

  13. Very cute post, and much of it rings familar to me. I loved the part about one lat machine and having to now switch gyms.

  14. As a man, I can say that the guys side of the story is equally as fail (if not moreseo).

    Whereas I’d love to think that I’m on the ball, half the time I don’t know what the hell I’m doing either.

    Makes for amusing stories though. 🙂

    • I dont have a twitter account yet I’m afraid 😦
      But I’m looking into getting one soon. Thank you soo much for checking out my blog! Maybe you can share it on facebook?

      Thanks again!

  15. oh my gosh if i wasn’t at work i would’ve LAUGHED out LOUD and maybe ROLL on the FLOOR, a little!

    I observe this way too often and i shake my head in amazement then when i’m no longer in their presence i call my friend and we both LAUGH out LOUD! 🙂

  16. I thought I would be reading about maximizing gym workouts for the health benefits… not the humor benefits that I found instead. Very enjoyable post!

  17. I am a certified, A grade people watcher, and this post made me laugh out loud! The gym is like the perfect storm for gawkers like me, and I can think of people like this where I work out. Great entry! Great blog. Definitely will be keeping up with it!

    • I know exactly what you mean lol. The gym is an amazing place for social experimentation and observations. It’s hilarious to watch other people and even more hilarious watching other people watching other people all the while knowing someone is probably watching you.
      I’m glad you enjoyed this post. I hope you are back when I post again!

      Thank you for your comments and for checking out my blog! 🙂

  18. I’m also a Goodlife member (and highly recommend if anyone is looking for a gym).

    While I can’t really relate to the flirting (because I don’t flirt, and I’m too much “in the zone” to think about boys when I’m in the gym), I can definitely relate to those awkward moments that can be found while working out.

    Good job! And congrats on being Fresh Pressed!

  19. Wow that was a great story.

    I remembered, this one time, I started going to some gym in my town. On my first day, the owner—a cute looking guy—showed me how to do every single machine.

  20. Pingback: Motivate Your Workout Routine « The Simply Peachy

  21. Pingback: What, is there something on my nose? « Evil is Good!

  22. Pingback: What, is there something on my nose? « Evil is Good!

  23. Pingback: What, is there something on my nose? | Evil is Good!

  24. Pingback: 2010 in review « The Skinny Jeans and Starbucks Chronicles

  25. Pingback: Friday Chronicles: My French is better than your French « The Chronicles of a Skinny Jeans-Wearing Toronto girl

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s