For those of you who actually read whatever I have to say, I must apologise for my long summer absence from the blogopshere. Somewhere along the way I (finally) came to the realisation that keeping a blog about my day to day happenings involving work is probably not one of my brightest ideas. And that’s when I sat down sad and puzzled, thinking of what other elaborate topics I can share my honest but not always educated opinion on.
Anyway, I came up with a big zero.
That being said though…
I MUST tell you about a recent chuckle I shared with myself about a common pet-peeve: traffic jams and asshole-style driving.
The other day I was driving home with a friend, who for confidentiality purposes we will call Jim Schwatz (Schawty for short…I never promised I’d be original). Schwaty and I were crusing along the 401 minding our own businesses, driving like normal people listening to whatevs was on the radio when all of a sudden, the blue Nissan which was shadily looming at the back of us speed up in front of us and cut us off.
Schwaty kept their composure but I learnt some pretty colorful cussing soo bad that could only be used for the callibre of someone who tortures babies in their spare time. I learnt why so many Canadians have roadrage. For the sake of safety and politness, one will sit in a sespit of boiling rage and calmly keep steering while their asshole counterparts weave through traffic like frogger on crack.
It was at that point that I understood the fundamental differences between traffic in Toronto and traffic in Kuwait City where I grew up.
1) Toronto driving: You generally obey traffic laws.
Kuwait driving: What traffic laws?
2) Toronto driving: Your insurance premiums are of colossal proportions if you have been in a previous accident, have demerit points for minor misdemenors and/ or are under the age of 25.
Kuwait driving: What insurance premiums?
3) Toronto driving: You have to pass the three stages of testing… G1, G2, G in order to be qualified on the road. However, being a qualified driver does not make you a good driver.
Kuwait driving: You have to pass the test of being a Formula 1 race car driver. Being a good driver usually means nothing.
4) Toronto driving: Cutting people in traffic is rude and Karma is a bitch that will come and bite you back in the ass for doing it.
Kuwait driving: Cutting people in traffic is essential. Otherwise it’s usually death who is the bitch that comes to bite you in the ass for not doing it.
5) Toronto driving: Left turns are legal and generally safe.
Kuwait driving: Left turns are illegal and generally unsafe…just like driving in general.
6) Toronto driving: You have to be at least 16 to legally drive.
Kuwait driving: You could be a man, woman, child, camel or anything with a pulse to drive. Not really, but with shady traffic laws and no premiums any chimp can get by behind the wheel.
7) Toronto driving: Say a little prayer before you set out on your journey.
Kuwait driving: Write out your will before you set out on your journey.
8) Toronto driving: A driver must yeild to pedestrians.
Kuwait driving: What pedestrians?
9) Toronto driving: Good drivers let you make lane changes.
Kuwait driving: Good drivers let you live.
10) Toronto driving: Passing an emissions test depends on whether your car has harmful emissions.
Kuwait driving: Passing an emissions test depends on your nationality and/or whether or not you know some influential people.
And so my Canadian friends, the next time you polite folk are sitting in puddle of anger on Yonge Street feeling like you’d rather be shot in the face, remember you could be in a country where you could drive wild and free with no insurance premiums or traffic laws.
What it comes down to in the end really is the battle between what will kill you first. Some asshole lunatic who kills you by rear ending you at the speed of light or the stress and frustration of stewing in a hot pot of anger, rage and resentment. Not to mention, death is inevitable anyway after you have sold your liver to pay insurance premiums.