Free advice

Inspired by the experiences of Karen in the past week:

I feel the need to pass on every day bits of wisdom to my peoples.

Simple Life Lesson One:
If you are not an avid beer drinker like myself and only drinks beer in the summer because it looks and feels cool, please stick to the familiars. Barking Squirrel Lager might sound terribly exciting, adventurous and might be a run for your money…but it might also GIVE you the runs (for your money).
If you are an avid beer drinker and don’t have to go to work the next day: bark away, squirrely.

Simple Life Lesson Two:
When wearing stilletos that you’ve never worn before, “breaking them in” by running a race against time around the North York public library is not the best idea. Especially if you keep running after those shoes of satan have removed the skin from every single toe and you almost feel bone.

Simple Life Lesson Three:
If being forced to take an 8 hour long English test when your first language IS ENGLISH seems like hell on earth to you, then being stuck in a small room with 12 other extremly sweaty and nervous people for 8 hours doing that same damn English test is like hell’s public bathrooms.

Simple Life Lesson Four:
If you decide that it would be fun to take pottery classes for the summer, try not to schedule three hours of funness with flying wet clay after Sunday mass.

Don’t play with dirt in your Sunday skirt.

Simple Life Lesson Five:
Cute shorts on a Toronto summer day are cool because it’s hot. Cute shorts on a Toronto summer NIGHT are cool because it’s cold. Know the difference and dress accordingly.

Simple Life Lesson Six:
Do not eat a fresh slice of Asiago cheese pizza on a very crowded subway train. Unless you want to be ambushed with stares of hatred and death. If looks could kill (or if Canadians packed heat and weren’t so full of fake politeness) I would not be writing this post right now. True say.

Simple Life Lesson Seven:
Do not kill someone if you feel homicidal after a long work day. I haven’t, (congratulate me) but I have posted this only to remind myself not to.

Simple Life Lesson Eight:
Asiago cheese pizza is not the cure to an upset stomach created by that damn squirrel barking beer.

Simple Life Lesson Nine:
Go to bed instead of staying up on facebook reading some dumbass status updates. (Just as a rant: Who the hell cares that you just pooped and baked a burnt cookie?!?! Is there a reason why the whole world should know you’re LAME?)

Simple Life Lesson Ten:
Take a vacation if you feel like you’ll never learn Life Lesson #7.

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4 thoughts on “Free advice

  1. Lesson 7 is priceless. And I get needing to have a reminder to be a “good citizen.” Ha ha. In fact, I just had a chat with myself yesterday re: getting an attitude adjustment.

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