Holiday Delights Part 2: Kuwait Starbucks vs. Toronto Starbucks

Due to the positive responses I got for my last blog post (thank you all, by the way) I have decided to change the name from Holiday Horrors to Holiday Delights…since it did nothing but cause laughter and delight. (I would hit the back space button and erase that horribly cheesy line from existence but the back space button on my parents’ ancient-of-days keyboard does not work properly. You know how it is)

After one week of being in Kuwait, I still haven’t fully gotten over the jetlag. But I have gone out for a run in the park, which is an interesting story for another blog post; and I have successfully gotten through the first batch of Goan festivities with grace and aplomb. Don’t roll your eyes at me.

I spend my days eating and sleeping and spend my nights with my new best friend, Gravol. I have also challenged myself to watch every single episode of the Office. However, this has made me really miss going to work. And I say that with no sarcasm.

As everyone knows, I developed a new obsession with Starbucks some months ago so my dad took me to Starbucks the other day, a trip that I have been waiting for too long. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Kuwait Starbucks had adopted the Christmassy holiday cups! Score board: Kuwait Starbucks = 1, Toronto Starbucks= 0

This is the part that gets interesting though. Sit down for this:
So I scan the price list. Do you know how much a tall coffee in Kuwait Starbucks cost? $3.00.
Three effing bucks! (I did all the currency conversions for you. You’re welcome.) Now you can go to your local Starbucks and pay $1.79 for premium coffee with a big smile on your face, knowing that there are some poor schumck countries out there in the world that Starbucks rips off more than you. Score board: K.S.= 1, T.S.= 5
Anyway, I go to the cashier.
Karen: “ two tall coffees please”
Starbucks woman: “ Tall? You mean big?”
Big? WTH? I leave for a week and they change sizes on me?
Karen: “emm no, tall”
Starbucks woman: *looks kindly at me* “You mean large?”
Her kind look kind of scares me because I know that it is not in the Starbucks employee policy to have patience or look kindly upon customers who are confused about Starbucks cup sizes.
It then hits me. This woman has no idea what Starbucks cup sizes are. To her, it’s still a world of small medium, large…like it should be. There is no Tall, Grande or Venti.

I get exasperated. “No I mean tall. Tall. Your smallest size”
Starbucks woman: “Oh you want a small coffee!”
Starbucks barista man: “Would you like it with milk?”
I stare at him in dumb confusion. Don’t you do that part yourself?
Somewhere a Starbucks CEO must be cringing. Actually, all over the world, there are Starbucks employees cringing.

Karen: “No. Just give me a tall black coffee”
Starbucks man: “Are you absolutely sure you want it without milk?”
I don’t say anything.
“Yes” I hear my dad say. “Please just give us two black coffees”
I get my coffee and it comes with milk.
Score board: K.S. = -27, T.S.= 27
That was the end of my long awaited Kuwait Starbucks trip.

You know I learnt something from this. I realised that I must have come off as rude and frustrated with the cashier. But then I thought of the times when the Toronto Starbucks guy patronizingly corrected me when I ordered a large instead of a grande and that time when that SAME Starbucks loser guy looked at me like I was a crazy cat lady on crack when I asked him what a caramel macchiato was.

So I will give Kuwait Starbucks 27 points for balancing out karma and for once making Starbucks look like the fool instead of the customer.
The score as it stands: Kuwait Starbucks= 30 points. Toronto Starbucks = 29 points.

I gave Toronto Starbucks 2 extra points for being nearly 2 and half times cheaper.
However, Kuwait Starbucks still wins because I gave them 3 extra points for being so expensive and thus making me virtually guilt free for drinking Starbucks coffee on a regular basis.
And this pretty much is the most exciting thing that has happened in Kuwait so far.

Congratulations Kuwait Starbucks! For winning at sucking…and for yet another blog post about absolutely nothing.


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