If some of you have noticed, I try (“try” being the key word here) to keep my posts somewhat optimistic and positive. And if I’m not able to do that, I try to make light of stressful situations with (bad) jokes and comments. It keeps my own views optimistic and helps purge out the negative. Besides, I figure you guys should not be subject to whiney bullshit at the end of your long day.
But tonight is not going to be like that. Tonight, I could care less about positive and optimism. I’m just going to throw all that new age, good zen crap out the window and tell you about the crappiest week in the history of life.
As you might have figured out, I love making lists and putting things in point form. I will therefore carry on this tradition and list out what made me such a bitter cow this week. I will try to keep this short:
1. Boiled-egg Bob’s Sexual Harassment: We have a patient who for confidentiality purposes we’ll call Boiled-egg Bob. I call him Boiled-egg Bob because his body looks just like a Boiled-egg. His hands and legs however are like toothpicks that stick out his oval body. Boiled-Egg Bob is 60 years old and has no concept of personal space. Just before I put on the electrodes for his IFC therapy on Monday morning, he turned me around and ran his hand down my back “to show me where I should put the electrodes”. WTF!!!!
2. Almost losing my eyesight permanently: We have a machine that provides laser therapy. Its basically a laser beam that pentrates your skin in the area of pain. We actually have special glasses that need to be worn when using it because if the laser beam comes in direct contact with your eyes, you’re screwed for life. Permanent blindness. Anyway, no one bothers using the glasses, because you just have to be careful not to directly point it at your face. However, Tuesday morning, I was so caught up with dealing with two patients at one time that I did not realise the laser beam was pointing upward in my face. I was not until an hour later that I realised what I had done. I almost made myself blind.
3. Getting drenched by the sidewalk puddle: Nothing is more miserable at 6:30 on a cold Wednesday morning than heavy rain, the screen door slamming in your face and then getting drenched by a TTC bus flying across a sidewalk puddle. How about some major coffee spillage to top it off!
4. Being half an inch away from being hit by an SUV: After dealing with sexual harassement, almost going blind, spilling your coffee, getting wet and having your face slammed by the screen door (which one day I will probably remove in a fit of rage), there is nothing you want to do more than get the hell out of Woodbridge and finish off your work week with Paul’s amazing yoga/tai chi/pilates class. However, in my haste to not miss his class, I almost got myself killed while trying to cross a major intersection while the traffic lights were still green. And then I got yelled at by the bus driver, who almost didnt open the door for me to teach me a lesson. Lesson learnt, because I’m still very shaken up by it and keep replaying it in my head.
5. Forgetting my yoga mat at home: Yes, this was the mother of all cherries to top my cake of crap. I made it to Paul’s class in time. But I forgot my yoga mat. I had to take one of the very gross common mats that are used by everyone and anyone. So it was deep breathing on a mat that smelt like 10 years of sweat and human feet. Truly an hour of joyness.
Just for kicks though, lets try to find the bright side:
1. I told Boiled-Egg Bob that I would stick those electrodes up where the sun don’t shine if he touched me like that again (I didnt say it in so many words but he got the message)
2. I didn’t lose my eyesight permanently.
3. My face does not have any visible screen-door-shaped bruise and I’m now dry from the sidewalk puddle and the coffee spillage.
4. I’m alive.
5. I risked my life for the most uncomfortable yoga experience but I got to talk to Paul at the end of the class who told me to go home and punch my pillow until I was exhausted. He also assured me that tomorrow would be a warm day.
So now, I will go have my hot dumpling soup, take Paul’s advice and try to get this week out of my system.