Letter to Canada

My dear Canada,

This is my honest and sincere bid to make my case and convince you of why I belong in this wonderful country forever:

1) I speak English and appreciate correct grammar. That’s right. I’ll be the first one to tell my friends that their… they’re lucky to be Canadian. I’m not a big fan of people who take they’re …their citizenship for granted. And I’ll take all the English tests to prove it.

2) I am very polite. I understand that this is a Canadian stereotype, but it’s the most positive stereotype to have. In fact, just the other day, without even thinking I apologised to my toilet when I accidentally dropped my earring into it. And then I apologised to my earring.

3) I hate the weather here. But what you need to take from this point is that I’m honest, that the shitty weather is not your fault and that without frostbite weather, no one would have been compelled to invent fluffy socks and that  brain cell-murdering holiday song “Baby, its… it’s cold outside”.

4) I listen to and support Canadian musicians and artists that no one has ever heard of. And not just because they are far more attractive than their American counterparts.

5) I know the words to the Canadian National Anthem better than I know my own country’s. And just like a true Canadian Torontonian, I mumble along through the French parts.

6) I support the use of “Zed” and think that “zee” is just alphabetical propaganda. And much like how thousands of Canadians signed a petition to give Ryan Gosling his rightful title of “World’s Sexiest Man”, this wannabe Canadian will start a petition to change Jay-Z to Jay-Zed.

7) I proudly sewed the Canadian flag to my backpack. Then I remembered I’m not actually Canadian and politely apologised to my backpack.

8 ) My initials are the same as that of the ultimate Canadian delicacy: Kraft Dinner. You may think this is a silly reason but my Canadian friends will beg to differ. Especially the ones still in University.

9) I once tried to pay for a double-double at Timmies with Canadian Tire money. If you are Canadian, you will understand that it doesn’t get anymore patriotic than this. If you are not Canadian, that gibberish I just spewed out means I once tried to pay for a coffee with the second most respected currency in Canada.

10) I pronounce the word “Saskatchewan” correctly. I also pronounce the word “Regina” correctly. For my non-Canadian readers, Saskatchewan is not a brand of maple syrup; it’s a province in Canada. And Regina is not the name of Celine Dion’s pet moose; it’s a city in Saskatchewan that’s pronounced like “vagina”.

At the end of the day, I can think of a million more reasons to make the case for why I belong in Canada. But in reality, there is only one reason that really matters. I love living here. And I’m not just saying that to get what I want. I love this country no matter what the outcome of my immigration case will be.

While Canada undoubtedly has its flaws (high taxes, cold weather, longest grocery store lineups in the world, overdone political correctness…), it still remains the one country that taught me independence and a sense of appreciation and gratitude for the little things. Most importantly, it harbors some of the most decent and loving people on the planet. People that I have the honor to call friends.

Aside from this sentimental bullshit, I have also fiercely defended the nutritional value of poutine, beaver tails and funnel cake with my parents and non-Canadian friends. And I have done this as a health care provider. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

Love,

The future recipient of the “Best Canadian Citizen” award.

28 thoughts on “Letter to Canada

  1. WELL said Karen, I honestly couldn’t have done better! Not to mention how well you integrated the canadian society.
    Regardless the immigration law, you already won Canada’s heart!
    Xoxo!
    Ps: LOL on number 5

  2. Ahahaha Karie! That was hilarious. You got my vote for the “Besht Canadian Citizen” award!
    Also, I was laughing my ass off at Jay-Zed and apologizing to your backpack. If all of this makes you feel any better, stop rowing, turn around and you’ll see me in the same boat!

    • Thanks Shawn. And we’re not on the same boat. My boat sailed over a year ago and crashed against some rocks and became marooned on some island and the rescue helicopters are only coming in next year lol. You on the other hand, have yet to start your journey. Hopefully you have everything to prevent it from smashing into pieces. Too graphic I think. lol Well you know what I mean.

  3. haha this is awesome- I particularly like the part about Canadian tire money, and apologizing to your backpack.
    P.S. I think you should expand on the obscure Canadian music artists you love in a future post- you’ve piqued my curiosity!

  4. I just found your blog (thanks so breezyk!) and I think you are just plain awesome.

    I’ve lived in Canada my entire life (Toronto for much of it), and I’ve never tried to pay for a Timmie’s double-double with Canadian Tire money…they should have let you do it just because you had enough moxie to try.

    Also, the fact that you say “zed” makes me want to write to the authorities and beg them to make you a citizen sometime within the next 17 minutes.

    • Yeh Breekyk is awesome like that!
      And I’m with you on the Canadian Tire money. They just should have let me! I wasn’t paying for the entire thing with CT money. I was just trying to some of it since I didn’t have enough change. Oh well.

      I feel like if I were given a chance to talk to my Immigration officer and make my case, I’d read this out and make a heartfelt plea. Unfortunately they don’t do one-on-one’s :S
      Thanks a lot for reading and I hope you stick around!
      Cheers!
      xoxo

  5. Pingback: Immigration officers say the darnedest things | The Chronicles of a Skinny Jeans-Wearing Toronto girl

  6. Well written Karen. You are a very talented and FUNNY writer! I just wished you lived here in Austria with me cuz I can’t find any anyone who “get us” Canadians. Although I completely agree with you about Canada being awesome, I just couldn’t take those cold winters any longer. In 2008 I left my hometown of Bolton, Ontario and ventured in a game of “international musical chairs…I mean countries” and finally have settled in my husbands hometown of Vienna, Austria. I do miss Canada very much and try to blog about my own experience as a Canadian living in a Europe -more in terms of photography though cuz my writing sucks.
    Whenever I feel homesick again I shall pop by your blog for some cheering up.
    Keep up the laughs.
    All the best. And if you ever make your way to Austria look me up.
    Cheers eh.
    Melissa

    • Melissa,

      Your comment put the biggest smile on my face. Not many people outside of Canada “get” Canadians. As wonderful as Canada is, I do envy you for living in Vienna. I hear its absolutely beautiful there. I’m sure Canada misses you too. If you ever consider coming back, just remember global warming is hitting pretty hard and the winters are better with each passing year :P…at least in Toronto. Manitoba apparently still considers -25 C a “good day”.

      I don’t know if you have already seen this video but for those days when you miss Canada, here is a little something to cheer you up. (It actually might also make you even more homesick but its a guaranteed smile)

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